There’s a sentiment I’ve shared to many of my female clients over the years.
Fat loss, in my opinion, is difficult.
Fat loss when you’re a female is more difficult.
Fat loss when you’re a female in a long term relationship is even more difficult.
Fat loss when you’re a female in a long term relationship who also has children to care for is, yes, more difficult.
Fat loss when you’re a female in a long term relationship who may or may not have children and also struggles with the challenges of menopause or PCOS or hypothyroidism or anxiety or depression or ADD/ADHD is simply more difficult…
Every layer to the sentiment adds another degree of complexity, nuance and challenge to not just losing fat but successfully keeping it off.
In making these claims, I try to caveat by saying: it’s not that men don’t also struggle with fat loss but the struggle is not the same.
I believe fat loss for females is exponentially more unfair.
On one side of the argument is that societal norms often dictate that a woman needs to be smaller to be valued more, that a woman can only be healthy in a smaller body, that a woman shouldn’t have any back fat, bingo arms, thighs that touch, wrinkled skin, a “fluffy” midsection, etc…
…That a woman must maintain this smaller body and also, hold down a job, clean the house, cook dinner, raise the kids, sexually satisfy their partner, care for aging parents, and keep a smile on their face the entire time.
These same women will go through the menopause transition, a phase that will literally last for years and struggle with changes in their body that they have little to no control over, and must accept that as estrogens fluctuate and decline that they may be affected by hot flushes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, changes in digestion, achy joints and muscles, changes in body composition which can make the midsection larger, mood swings, constipation, urinary incontinence, headaches, breast tenderness, loss of muscle and bone density, and an increase of inflammation in the body…(that list was not comprehensive).
Some women may get relief through hormone replacement therapy and some may get relief through antidepressants.
EVERY woman will experience this change differently.
And yet, nearly every woman will express the sentiment that they don’t feel in control of their body, that they don’t feel heard about the symptoms they’re feeling, that they don’t get appropriate answers to how to solve the problems, and yes, one of the most pervasive questions: why don’t the things that used to work for fat loss work anymore?
Because…the body has changed.
I say this all as a male coach. A male coach who trains mostly women, a male coach who will never experience menopause or PCOS or carrying a child to term, a male coach who, at best, can only be a spectator and guide to what women might potentially go through while they’re trying to improve their health.
I say this to remind you that you are not broken but your body has changed, will change, or is currently in a state of unique change.
And as the adage goes, you can’t change the cards you’re dealt, but you can play the hell out of the hand.
So, here’s a list of what you need to know to make fat loss a bit easier in spite of all the challenges I mentioned above. I recognize that to be able to complete a great deal of the list assumes a significant position of privilege and many women will not be able to check every item off this list.
-Eat the most nutritious food you can. Prioritize lean proteins, a diverse range of fiber, and pay attention to any foods you believe you have an intolerance to.
-Stay hydrated. A decent guide to know if you’re hydrated is if your urine is light yellow to clear in color. Be aware that certain vitamins may keep urine brighter even if you’re drinking enough.
-Do all you can to have a consistent sleep/wake cycle. If you currently struggle with hot flushes or night sweats this may be more difficult. Turn off all electronics 30-45 minutes before bedtime so you’re not mentally stimulated by the screen.
-Find a movement practice you can stick with. If you’re starting from nothing, going for a walk is a great place to start. If you love yoga, stick with yoga. If you love zumba, stick with zumba. It’s more important that you find something you can stick with than forcing yourself to do something you despise and not committing to it.
-Beyond your movement practice you need to start lifting weights. 2-3x/week is a good place to settle into. Put your time and energy into getting as strong as you can, as safely as you can. This is for your mental health, your physical health and the longevity of bone and muscle.
-Have a self-care routine. Life will continue to be stressful so whether it’s a walk with the dog, reading a great book, getting a massage, getting a pedicure/manicure, etc. make sure that you have a list of things that you know can help refill your cup.
-Delegate the tasks. Yes, you are Wonder Woman. No, you cannot do it all. Rally your family to delegate different tasks that each person can do to help keep the household in order. Everyone who is physically capable can contribute towards this goal.
-Have a fantastic GP, OB/GYN and/or endocrinologist. Stay up with routine, annual, comprehensive bloodwork. You might “look” fine on the outside but things can be awry inside. Stay in the loop on your body.
-On that last note, make sure you are documenting changes in your body that may need attention. If you only see your doctor once every few months or once a year, you need documentation of things that aren’t what they used to be. You must advocate for yourself and have a list of the things that require further insight.
-Be patient. If you’re in the menopause transition, you can expect to be there for several years. That’s a lot of time to either spend building yourself up or tearing yourself down. Focus on the former.
-Most women do not have a ton of calories to play with when it comes to succeeding at fat loss. That means that your margin of error could be quite small if you are aiming for a deficit. Many women are sensitive to aggressive deficits and find that sticking to them is difficult. Be okay with a conservative/slower approach to fat loss.
-Your energy levels matter. If you’re constantly bottoming out your calories, doing hyper-restrictive diets and feeling thrashed in your workouts, something is amiss. You want to have the highest quality output that you can. Make sure you’re fueling yourself adequately and I don’t mean whatever caffeinated, sugary drink you called breakfast this morning.
-Curate and filter your social media feed. You are being inundated with marketing messages about how your body is not enough and that you need to be fixed, detoxed and reset. You do not need to be reset. You’re not a smartphone. There is a scandalous amount of predatory and misleading information on the internet. Make sure you’re following people who aren’t leading by fear and trying to con you into $300 worth of supplements every month.
-If you cannot succeed with filtering social media to make it a safer place for your viewing, consider abandoning the platform. I know it might sound crazy but once upon a time we lived pretty decent lives without TikTok (as an example). I am certain you can live without it if you had to. This is about protecting your mental bandwidth.
-It isn’t realistic for me to tell you to never compare yourself against someone else. If you were in a race, you would be comparing yourself against the person who is faster than you. Comparison in efforts to improve yourself can be helpful but comparison that leaves you feeling like a fraction of a person isn’t the way to go. I knew a woman, once upon a time, who, if you didn’t know anything about her personal life, you might admire her physique and her dedication to training. What you couldn’t see were all the things in her personal life that she was losing control over. When you hear: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, it’s because of scenarios like this. Ultimately, we all play the game of me vs. me. I would encourage you to keep building yourself up.
-If you’ve struggled with fat loss and your body image for years, the solution is not another diet. It’s therapy. Find an excellent therapist. Once you’ve healed the parts of yourself which need it, you might find that fat loss becomes a bit easier (or maybe you learn to love yourself in spite of what the scale says).
-I hate to say it but fasting protocols suck for most women. I can’t say that fasting isn’t helpful for some women some of the time but when I hear people say that all women should be fasting, I cringe. It’s especially problematic for women who struggle with disordered eating practices. There’s nothing wrong with you if you find that fasting is not a helpful tool.
-Never be afraid to ask for help. Never stop advocating for yourself. Never stop improving who you are and the body and mind you live in. Never stop prioritizing your health even if it sometimes seems a bit selfish. A stronger version of you, mentally and physically, is arguably the best version of you. The scale will not show you the whole story.
(Photo courtesy of Icons8)
