My wife and I have almost always been able to talk to one another.
When our relationship started, she was living in Florida and I was in Ohio and just being able to communicate openly was nearly all we had for 16 months.
When you don’t have a physical body to be close to, to hold or to touch, communication is the only way to survive.
When communication failed us, as it has from time to time, no amount of physical contact could help.
Our foundation, our strength, came from the words we said, the way we said them, and sometimes from the words left unspoken.
We’ve changed over the years.
In many ways, I became more outspoken and she became more introverted.
And as we’ve grown older, in our own unique ways, those words we use hold more power.
Marissa and I talk about things now that we’ve never needed to before, in ways that never mattered before because as age and time pass, that communication is where the love comes from.
Over the last year or so, we spend more time together not just focused on uninterrupted moments but embracing silence as much as conversation.
We listen better to one another, we solve problems faster than we used to, there’s a place of respect where we take turns to listen because there’s something of value to hold onto.
I write these words reflecting on 10 years of marriage: 10 beautiful, messy, challenging, unforgettable years.
I look back at our engagement and wedding pictures in admiration but also with the knowledge: you two had no idea what you’d experience together.
You two had no idea how much you would depend on the strength of the other.
And when they say marriage is hard work, of course it is.
Everything you value in life comes from hard work. You either decide to put that work in, or you hide from it and suffer the consequences.
Our marriage is a product of both.
The “easy” thing to say is how much we’ve changed in the 15 years since we first met.
The appropriate thing to say is how much we needed to change to get this far.
When I talk about health, nutrition, etc. on this website, you’ll often hear me talk about the importance of a great support system. I don’t think anything you do to improve your health can be done successfully without the right people in your corner and on your side to help.
Those of you who’ve been married far longer than we have know that it takes a lot of commitment and flexibility to change year after year and still be the number one cheerleader for that special someone in your life.
It means sometimes you have to have difficult conversations and sometimes words and actions fall between the cracks. You owe it to one another to seal the cracks, say the necessary words and back it all up with the behaviors that take you the next step further.
To my wife: my partner, my co-pilot, my muse, my love…thank you for our first decade of marriage.
Thank you for being the one who knew how and when to fight for what mattered and to remind me how to pivot and shift our priorities along the way.
Thank you for reminding me of the power of words, the strength of silence and the necessity of connection.
