Last year, Marissa, Sebastian and I got off to Hocking Hills for a little getaway.
While we were at our cabin, we noticed a checkerboard and thought it might be good to teach Sebastian how to play.
I showed him how to move across the squares, how to jump, how to make a king and I showed him the moves a king could make.
Initially, I tried to show him how to read the board at least a pace or two ahead.
I’m no wiz at checkers and admittedly, I have no idea how to play chess, although I recall knowing how to play at some point in my youth.
If he made a move, I’d show him where there was an opportunity to lose a piece. If he was safe from a jump, I’d let him know but I’d also let him know if he was at risk.
He caught on pretty quickly.
Marissa, at one point, suggested that I give him some wins to build up his confidence, but our opinions differed on this.
Growing up, my father taught me how to play a lot of things: checkers, some card games, tennis, basketball, etc.
One thing he never “gave” me, was a win.
A win had to be earned.
At risk of making my Dad sound uncaring or insensitive, he was neither of those.
Dad never gloated if he won a game against me.
He never made me feel bad about not winning.
He gave me tools and tips to succeed on my own merit but the win had to come as my skills increased.
Mind you, I didn’t take all of those losses well. Sometimes, I’d feel sore about it but it taught me some valuable lessons that I’m trying to share with Sebastian.
And much like I did at about the same age, Sebastian can get sore if he feels like I’m winning a game against him.
I remind him to be patient.
I remind him to stay focused.
He plays better when he keeps his emotions in check.
I’ll admit, I’m not a particularly competitive person and perhaps my own take on playing a game wouldn’t be the best approach for an elite level talent and personality.
Also, I always try to tread carefully when I approach tips about parenting. I’m not a perfect parent and I don’t look down on people who do things differently with their own children.
But I do know that in life, the wins that tend to matter the most are the ones we earn.
You can say that about the job you get, the relationships that endure, the changes you want to see in your physique, and the way to improve yourself as a person.
So, be patient, stay focused, and play the game.
