The Bones

When Marissa and I got married in October of 2014, we asked for dishes in our wedding registry as many couples do.

As we settled into our marriage, those dishes became the centerpiece of each of our meals: the bowls, the large dinner plates, the smaller plates and the coffee cups were present each day.

Like any marriage or long-term relationship, you go through highs and lows together. Life comes at often a frightening and unpredictable pace and you always have to ask yourself when you’re making time for one another in between work and family demands.

Then, of course, Sebastian was born roughly three years after our wedding and having a child in the mix adds another degree of joy and complexity to the family dynamics.

When the cracks started to form in our marriage, cracks were forming elsewhere too: in our dishes.

Cups that we expected to last for decades of our lives were breaking.

Dishes that we had hoped to dine on until old age were cracking down the middle.

Next thing you know, we’re down to fractions of what we had asked for when we got married, an eerie parallel to what was happening in our marriage as well.

After we got our relationship back in order, we were taking inventory of what was left of those dishes. I made the comment that it was odd how nearly every dish had been discarded and little was left, much like our marriage had once been reduced to before we sorted it all out.

Without missing a beat, Marissa said: But our china is intact, which means the bones are still good.

She was right.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are and who you’re with, you have a foundation.

You can make it a strong one or an unstable one.

If you want the foundation to last, you build it strong, structurally sound, so that it can withstand the elements around it.

Maybe those dishes we had picked out over ten years ago were part of a defective line. Maybe they all had to be recalled or discontinued because they weren’t durable enough.

If you want something to last, from your health, to the love you build with others, you make it durable, you make it withstand pressure.

And if you want to be proud of it, make sure the bones are good.

A small early love note to my valentine…

(Photo courtesy of Allison Ewing Photography)